I can hear you.  Just in case you didn’t know, but maybe you did.  Were you fully aware of that and it’s all been some pathetic passive-aggressive attempt to get even with me?  It can’t be that you’re so stupid it never occurred to you that I can hear you, even as you can hear enough of what I say and do to come up with ways to mock me.

Here’s something I’m pretty sure you don’t know.  It could be a lot worse.  You could have MY upstairs neighbor, who has two lead feet, who loudly talks baby talk to her cats at 1 a.m. every night, who runs on a treadmill for an hour at a time, making me feel like my ceiling is going to cave in on me, who used to vacuum at 9 a.m. every Sunday morning, with whom I’ve had to battle the past two years to get her to turn her TV down at night, and who, best of all, cannot tolerate any noise from anyone else day or night.

You could even have the worst of all possible worlds:  to be sandwiched between her and YOU.

You could have come to me when I was annoying you and asked me to stop or hold off for an hour or two, but it’s already pretty well established what a dickless wonder you are, what with your refusal to answer the door when a neighbor comes by to complain about the loud slumber party you’re having at 1 a.m. on a Thursday.  You have two choices at this point:  grow some balls and ask me to be a better neighbor or suck it up and shut up.  Because, you see, if I hear you mock me, or my CAT (what a paragon of humor you are, BTW), even just one more time, I will make you understand what it’s like to have a real shitty neighbor.

-The occasionally laughing, cleaning, and walking cat-owning neighbor upstairs.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm and is filed under Adult Angst. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.